Is It Normal To Experience Anxiety About Adulting?
Growing up, adults tell you who you are before you get the chance to define it for yourself, labeling you as “loud,” “shy,” “the helpful one,” or “the one who acts up.” Suddenly, you’re 22 and feeling washed out to sea, not knowing who you’re supposed to be up against thousands in student loan debt, an empty stomach, and spotty apartment WiFi.
So who are you? (Without the voices of caretakers, coaches, and teachers saying something about it.) Self-perception is everything at this stage. Studies even show that young adults who identify as “kids” display riskier behavior than the same age group who identify as “adults.”
When it comes to adulting, what’s there to be anxious about?
Adulting in the U.S. versus elsewhere
The U.S. isn’t alone in expecting 20-somethings to leave the nest quickly and become financially independent, but it’s not the top pick globally either. A 2021 survey showed that 33% of American adults aged 18-34 still lived at home. Compare this to 73% of the same age demographic in Greece, 71% in Italy, and 65% in Spain.
Under this context, the decision to move out or stay at home becomes a cultural decision, not a biological expectation. Humans in isolation, anywhere, will tend to experience higher levels of anxiety, no matter how culturally “normal” that change may seem. It can still—reasonably—cause anxiety.
Challenges facing today’s young adults
Social media allows us to examine society’s most anxiety-inducing topics through a dozen microscopes. You know more intimate details, stats, and outlooks about ongoing socio-political conflicts and environmental concerns than previous generations. Your demographic was also pushed harder academically and showed higher rates of loneliness than previous generations. (Even before the pandemic.)
Becoming an empowered adult means expecting and embracing the trial-and-error nature of life over and over again. Resilience is vital, and those with trauma, negative self-image, and critical inner voices struggle to bounce back.
Executive functioning and your 20s
Executive functioning skills get us through daily challenges and life’s toughest moments. They predict how successfully we can build full, meaningful lives without getting overwhelmed or knocked down. Executive functioning is related to…
Working memory: Do we stay on schedule, time, and budget? Can others lean on us for support?
Mental flexibility: Can we keep track of household management tasks? Celebrate the little victories that lead to larger accomplishments?
Self-control: Can we block out distractions? Say “no” to our first impulse?
When adolescents age into young adults, executive functioning improves. This typically takes place between the ages of 15 and 23.
However, those operating in fight-or-flight mode (living under stress or trauma) don’t get the opportunity to fully develop executive functioning capabilities. Their brains are already overloaded with stressors, giving them little time and space to reflect, plan, and thoughtfully execute a more intentional life.
Supporting your executive functioning skills
Baby brains may soak up knowledge faster, but it’s never too late to learn something new—executive functioning skills included. Counselors help you develop these by…
Leaning on a strengths-based approach to treatment
Practicing real-life scenarios to test out coping skills
Identifying and embracing life’s gray areas
Suggesting more grounded, realistic perspectives during times of stress
Celebrating any and every win
Mapping out realistic goals (both short and long-term)
Providing feedback in a positive, constructive manner
How To Feel Empowered About Adulting
Start by honoring your truest self. Get curious about your deepest wants and needs and give them to yourself.
Follow passion, joy, and curiosity. You don’t have to know what you want to do forever. You just have to know what you want to do right now and trust yourself to follow through with it.
Find your people. Remember, plenty of people your age feel just as alone and lost as you right now. Prioritize finding a community of people who get your situation or share your goals.
Remember anxiety is totally normal. Adulting comes with a new host of problems you’ve never faced before. Therapists are great tools to lean on during times of transformation.
Ready to butterfly into your full self? Schedule your first session today to learn more about anxiety therapy or life transitions.
