When They Fly The Coop: How To Deal With Being An Empty Nester

You spent years balancing your own needs and interests with those of your children. We get so wrapped up in their lives that parents often stop making time to live on their own.

Then you blink and suddenly they are off to create a life for themselves, hopefully remembering to stop by for a visit a few times a year or around the holidays.

These moments of transition in our life are intense. Our routines get thrown into chaos and expectations get thrown out the window. After years of taking care of others, a quiet house is downright spooky at first. Not to mention how frequently years of being caught up in our children’s lives have made us strangers to our partners.

Let's look at what to expect when your kids fly the coop and how to deal with being an empty nester.

A Sad Goodbye

In the first few months after you find yourself holding court in an empty nest, you may feel a sense of intense sadness. Grief is how we process change, so don’t be surprised if you find yourself down in the dumps, riding those emotional ups and downs.

On top of that, our children provide meaning and purpose to our lives. After they leave, it can be hard to get motivated in the mornings.

Some of the other most common symptoms of empty nest syndrome include:

• Anxiety

• Frustration

• Loss of purpose

• Restlessness

• Regret

• Marital issues

Listen To Your Feelings

Give yourself the grace to acknowledge your feelings during this time. Talk to your friend or your partner about what you are going through. Pick up a journal and carve out some time to put your thoughts and fears on paper—which has a way of taming even the scariest ideas we have rattling around in our brains.

Once you’ve let those feelings out, you can start figuring out how to move on.

A Bittersweet Fresh Start

This second act in your life is full of opportunities for adventure. Without a handful of schedules to manage, you may suddenly find yourself with a lot of free time. Accordingly, this is an opportunity for you to get to know yourself again!

You’ve spent a lot of time pouring your love into other people. Now it’s time to pour that love back into yourself.

• Create room for romance

• Connect with old friends

• Explore old interests

• Pick up a new hobby

• Plan a low-stress vacation

• Start creating new routines

This is a period of space in your life. That means you have an opportunity to find new ways to balance out your life.

Change Isn’t The End

Remember, while this may be the end of an era, it isn’t the end of your relationship with them. Your dynamic may change, but they still need you. Be the parent you would have wanted—and find out what kind of parent they want you to be now.

They’re changing and you are too. You’ve done it before, you can do it again.

Getting Support

Sometimes when our nest is emptying out, things go off the rails a little bit. Arguments break out at home, or we get stuck in a funk. If you’re having trouble adjusting to life as an empty nester, consider reaching out to a qualified counselor for support.

I specialize in helping people navigate life’s big transitions. Contact me today if you want to talk about how I might be able to help you explore this new era in your life in life transitions counseling.